It happened again…..

Have you ever gone from one extreme emotion to another in a split second? It happened to me today, I was preparing things for my day and as if something awful just happened my husband just told me his plans to take his own life…. TODAY.

I felt the adrenaline rush through my body as I desperately tried to find the words to help him, and not hinder the situation.

It’s happened before. I’m scared it’ll happen again. I’m scared one day I won’t be there…..

.

I don’t have to say the word, 

You’ll get it soon enough.

Represented with a semi colon, 

“Your life means more to us”.

.

It’s a word that haunts my deepest soul, 

Yet, so far, I’ve conquered those fears, 

You want to take your last breath now, 

I can’t lose another one I hold dear.

.

A failure I call it. On my part… Yes.

Guilt from before still smothers my being 

And now I’m given you, that I need to save, 

How long do I fight for your living.

.

I know what goes on. 

How it takes all your mind. 

I know how it stabs you 

Right from behind 

So trust me, my love. 

And I’ll do my very best. 

Without being selfish, 

It’s just not your time yet.

.

I know it’s not your time.

I hear you asking for help too,

And every single day from now, 

I stay right next to you.

.

So, that word I didn’t need to say, 

I let it escape from inside my heart. 

I can’t save everybody, I know. 

But right here’s a good place to start.

.

16/12/2020

Fromtheheart

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Fromtheheart

I just write. When I'm in the mood for writing, the words just flow without a break, and that's when my poetry makes the most sense and becomes the most relatable. I just hope this blog, will help people, so they can read and enjoy or at least feel touched by what I write. I’m a survivor of abuse, emotional, physical and sexual abuse. I was abused from a young age until I realised I didn’t have to live like that anymore about 10 years ago. I’m now nearly 40 and like most of us, my life is ever changing. So, if you would like to… walk with me through my days and read my words. May they be relatable, bring comfort but most importantly let you know that you aren’t alone in your emotions. My journey to happiness and confidence has been slow. Sometimes excruciatingly slow. But I will get there. I have air in my lungs for a reason and I’m ready to find out why...

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